DAHLIA'S PRIVATE DIARY
DEAR DIARY, IT'S BEEN A CHALLENGING WEEK ...
Dear, Diary …
Well, this has been some week. It started with me sharing my private diary with strangers - which is already something I’d never do.
And while it may also seem as though I’m living the life - especially given my Gilligan’s Island photo below - it’s been a very challenging week.
For instance, right now it’s 1:48 p.m. on Thursday. And my goal is to have this diary posted for 2 p.m. on Thursdays. So no big deal, right? I’m my own boss. I can put this out whenever I want.
Well, not really …
For one: I’m not my own boss. The public is. I don’t make my podcasts for me. I make them for everyone.
And two: My goals aren’t just hopes fuelled by objectives; they are rules fuelled by obsessions.
When I make a goal, if I don’t hit it, I beat myself up over it. Some people may look at this as being disciplined. Often in life, people have complimented me on my “discipline.” Whether it’s my regular long runs, my 80%-vegetable suppers, my all-hours work ethic, people comment on my “discipline.”
But I think it’s easy to conflate discipline with extremism.
You see, it’s easy to be extreme about things: I have to run every day. I have to eat this way. I have to work this hard.
A have-to doesn’t require discipline; it is based on obsession. Moderation requires discipline; it’s based on stopping before an extreme limit stops whatever it is for you.
Next time you need to relieve your bladder go ahead and try peeing - but just a little bit - a moderate amount. Now that requires discipline.
(Also - please don’t try that because I wouldn’t want you to undergo such torture for no reason.)
So, here I am, now at 1:59 p.m. and this diary entry is supposed to go out in one minute. There’s no way that will happen. And it’s because I didn’t follow my goals this week …
Sunday was supposed to set me up for this week. I’d wake up, go for my run (oh, how I hate running, I just hate not running more), work on my podcast, then work on my morning show. Not only was it a Sunday - but this was also part of my time off from work.
But that morning, my friend asked if I wanted to go kayaking. Kayaking? What? That’s not part of my plan. Plus, I’m afraid of water.
Yet, I still said, “Sure. Let’s go!”
As I got in the kayak, I told him that he was really pushing me out of my comfort zone. I was scared. But he didn’t need to convince me, something in me really just wanted to do this. Like a craving.
And I loved it. My first time kayaking and once I started paddling I felt at peace. Sure I still worried about tipping - but my enjoyment superseded my fear.
After the kayak, the plan was to go back home and have my boring yogurt and fruit breakfast (with a splash of almond milk vanilla coffee creamer, you should try it - just not every day because then it gets boring). But my friend suggests we go out for breakfast. Woah. I’m not even wearing makeup. And I have work to do.
Nonetheless, I was quick to accept the offer. Something in me craved this.
Not only did I love sitting on a patio, having breakfast on a mountain - but I ate a breakfast I have never liked: eggs. And, I really liked them!
Okay, now it’s really time to go home and work.
“We should go for a Moped ride and check out that cute little town,” my friend suggests.
Well, considering I was on a delightful yes-streak, how could I say no?
And there we somehow end up on a patio at 1:30 in the afternoon - as I’m drinking a cider. WHAT? I’ve never had drinks out, without make-up, at 1:30 - and I don’t even drink cider!
By the time I get back home, I’m completely out of work-mode. I didn’t touch the podcast work or morning show stuff. You know, let’s have a BBQ!
And once the day was done, and we were exhausted, we decide to go to the river. There I found something I’ve searched for my entire life. It was just sitting on the boardwalk. I thought my eyes deceived me. I’d never seen anything like this before:
A FULL-BODY PARK BENCH.
Not just a normal bench you see in a park or along the river. NO! This was a bench that allows you to stretch out your legs entirely. No dangling legs that almost reach the ground. A short girl’s dream come true!
This was a perfect day. But I never would have thought to plan it in a million years.
When you plan perfect days, you create expectations based on future hopes or past experiences. So you’re already making this perfect day kinda unattainable. You’re setting yourself up for failure.
But on this day, I had no expectations, so I couldn’t set myself up for failure. Rather, I set myself up for surprise.
And now look at me. It’s Thursday. This diary was supposed to be out at 2:00 p.m. And here we are at 2:30 p.m. So I set myself back an entire 30 minutes or so, on this post.
Even though I lost all that time this week, Sunday was probably the most disciplined day I’ve had in much longer than I can remember.
So if you want to praise my “discipline,” that’s the discipline I hope you praise - and practise.